Things You Ought to Know Before Marrying
It's the same story with the same fairy tale ending. Boy meets girl. Love. Kisses. Miss made Mrs. And everyone assumes that they'll live happily ever after. But do they? Not always. Here are some ideas to help improve your odds for better a better time together.
Don't waver between, "Should I?" or "Should I not?"
Entering into anything half-heartedly can end in disaster. If marriage is not what you want, do not be forced or cajoled into it. If marriage is something you do want, be sure that you feel completely, nearly uncontrollably drawn to your partner-to-be.
Take Internet Romance Offline
If the majority of your getting to know him or her time was online, then make sure to spend at least as much time in actual together time. When it comes to getting to know someone, nothing substitutes for time together, that is at the same place together.
Talk About Your Dreams
Where you want to live, how many children you want, careers, desires, all of the things that that you may take for granted, these are the things that must be discussed. There are many good books on this topic. Check one out from the local library and put it to use.
Know Each Person’s Money Handling Habits
Estimates are that 50% of the marriages that fail, do so for money-related reasons. Is any other factoid needed to demonstrate the importance of money handling between you and your betrothed? Is living on a budget important to just one of you? Do either of you have long-term wealth building in mind? What’s the game plan for handling emergencies? Know these things about each other. Ignore this at your own peril.
Know and Agree on Roles
Both people in the marriage need to be mentally prepared for their new role as a husband or wife. Most rely on what they saw their parents do, which is particular problem if there was no mom or dad in the home. Seek information from books and on-line material or go for counseling. Converse about role expectations and be clear about what each person’s role will be as you tie the knot.
Be Consistent
If keeping a fit body mattered to you before engagement, they should matter after you are engaged and married. If you did your share of home tasks before marriage, that shouldn’t change either. The fastest way to put a marriage in jeopardy is to be one person before marriage, and a different person after marriage.
A Happy Home Improves All Things
Be ready to work together in a big way to make your home emotionally comfortable and warm. If for any reason one of you feel reluctant to go home because it is not a fulfilling place to be, this is a clear sign of problems.
Engagement Does Not Mean Done Deal
Engagement is a time for couples to learn even more about each other's strengths and weaknesses, loves and hates and anything else of importance. True, you should know a lot of this before you get engaged, but if during this time you discover anything that is for you a show-stopper, then work together to fix the situation or call it like it is and go different directions. The pain you will have to go through in the short term will be a lot less than long-term problems created by a marriage that should never have happened.
Be Ready for After the Honeymoon
No one can stay forever perfect in the eyes of someone else, especially when living in close company. When the honeymoon period comes to an end, flaws are detected, irritation surfaces and anger erupts. Every couple needs to be prepared to handle this stage. Work out beforehand how you will deal with disappointments and disagreements.
Balance Rough Spots with Romance
Romance has that magical ability to drive away unkind feelings from the mind. A few quiet moments together, a short walk in the moonlight, a soft touch, a lingering caress, a silent locking of the eyes, do not take a lot of time or energy but they help us forget hurts and keep hearts turned towards each other.
Learn to Disagree the Right Way
When angry, some people become silent. Others yell as loud as they can. Can you see how this might be problematic for a couple that has one of each type? Know how both you and your companion deal with disagreement. Set up a process that will keep things civil. Energy required to patch out of control flare ups would be put to better use working productively together to find solutions.